Well you see, Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
-Cliff Claven from Cheers

"I read about the evils of drinking so I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
Ernest Hemingway

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."
Tom Waits, musician

"Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it."
Anonymous

"After a night of too much alcohol and spirits, thou must kneel, embrace thy throne, and sacrifice to the Porcelain God."
John 1:47am