3/28/2005 08:21:00 AM|||Chench|||Yesterday morning was tough. It was really hard dropping off Katherine at ther mother's for them to do Easter. We had already had lots of Easter, but it didn't make it any easier. We then drove right up to Pittsfield for dinner with the in-laws. I also felt bad because I knew that Katherine wanted to go with us. I found myself forcing to stay out of the bad mood I knew I could easily slip into. Talking to Gary and Kris, playing some happy tunes, etc. Somewhere during our conversations, something hit me and I got real sad. I passed the point of return or wanting to fight it. When we arrived at Grandma B's, I really didn't want anything to do with anyone. I was fighting just to be polite. I had to go out to the car for something and I thought that I would just get in the car and stay there. Feign illness or something. I told myself, 'one more chance.' The kids were going to do some sleigh riding and I thought I'd stay with them a while. At least I wouldn't be expected to socialize, which I was not in the mood for. Best move of the day. I was running around and pulling kids up the hill in sleds in no time. I took a ton of pictures which I'll get posted shortly.
It's an uphill batlle to be happy sometimes, but a battle you need to fight to avoid depression. It's kind of like having willpower for a diet and once you get into a rythm, it gets easier to get your self out of a funk or, avoiding cookies. It becomes a way of life, just like being miserable can be. It gets easier once it's routine. You actually change.
I sometimes have to remind myself this is really what I wanted. What I thought was best for Katherine. She's such a happy, well adjusted little girl. She loves both sides of her family and she understands a great deal about the way things are. It's exactly what I want. It's a heavy burden to have to bear for the rest of my life though.|||111201661755509940|||Boy, you're gonna carry that weight, carry that weight a long time. Carry That Weight -- The Beatles
3/28/2005 10:19:39 AM|||Anonymous|||Don't hold it in call me and vent!
big seester.